PARANOID
Heres the thing, not that I'm bragging but I'm good at my job. As most people know I love my job, its Crown..... where else can I use ridiculous amounts of gold leaf and get to make giant croquembouche and use $130 bottles of rum and make cakes for famous dudes?
Like some people I know (Michelle...) I don't have alot of faith in my skills as a pastry chef, however, this past week my chef de cuisine said really good things to me about my work and seeing as nobody really cares but me I WILL brag about it here - he wants to promte me but because of budget stuff he can't until march or april but he doesn't want me to be looking around elsewhere because HE WANTS ME TO STAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, plus he said I make nice flowers and after that you couldnt wipe the smile off my face :) ( :
(I'm the only person I know that can make one sentence a whole paragraph)
So anyway heres the rub... I've worked really really hard and put in alot of time and effort to be a good chef but; I feel like a fraud. I feel like at any moment he's going to realise that I'm not what he thought I was, that I don't know as much as i should, that I'm not as creative as he thought, that I'm just bossing people around rather than organising what needs to be done, that I'm going to disappoint him. And seeing as he has confidence in me; and also because theres at least one other chef there that he has the same aspirations for (who I don't feel like I'm in competition with but whom I have some degree of admiration for) if what I'm paranoid about actually happens its going to suck, big time.
The thing is, I'm not actually sure about it all. Am I as good as he thinks, or do I really know a whole lot of nothing or am I just sabotaging myself?
HELP!
Like some people I know (Michelle...) I don't have alot of faith in my skills as a pastry chef, however, this past week my chef de cuisine said really good things to me about my work and seeing as nobody really cares but me I WILL brag about it here - he wants to promte me but because of budget stuff he can't until march or april but he doesn't want me to be looking around elsewhere because HE WANTS ME TO STAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, plus he said I make nice flowers and after that you couldnt wipe the smile off my face :) ( :
(I'm the only person I know that can make one sentence a whole paragraph)
So anyway heres the rub... I've worked really really hard and put in alot of time and effort to be a good chef but; I feel like a fraud. I feel like at any moment he's going to realise that I'm not what he thought I was, that I don't know as much as i should, that I'm not as creative as he thought, that I'm just bossing people around rather than organising what needs to be done, that I'm going to disappoint him. And seeing as he has confidence in me; and also because theres at least one other chef there that he has the same aspirations for (who I don't feel like I'm in competition with but whom I have some degree of admiration for) if what I'm paranoid about actually happens its going to suck, big time.
The thing is, I'm not actually sure about it all. Am I as good as he thinks, or do I really know a whole lot of nothing or am I just sabotaging myself?
HELP!
posted by louisa at 11:45 PM
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